It has been eight years since that first day of my unexamined new life.

That moment of disbelief after a 30 year marriage and life within the gates of my upscale community ended.

Life had been good to me. Married with children, professional and financially secure, a pillar of the community. Happy and content for the most part. There had never been any turmoil within my long relationship. I had lived with and admired this man.The one individual  I called my best friend and love partner.

His thinking was not quite in line with mine. With shocking proclamation one morning. An announcement that I will never forget! One that shattered my dreams of spending a long journey with this man I thought that I knew, those words…

“I do not love you romantically anymore and I want to leave this marriage.”

This was a joke I thought to myself. He was keen with wit and humor I would dismiss this as nothing more than that.

But then that gloom appeared over his face. He was for the first time being honest about how he really was feeling. No joking this time. This was serious.

I felt this was just a temporary cog in the wheel of life. I would fix that squeaky wheel, after all, that was my role. The CEO of the family.

I would discover that wheel had already rolled out that marital door months maybe years before and nothing would repair our marriage.

Day one the dance of grief began.