The Slow dance of rebound.
Was I being unrealistic in thinking that the first real life dancer to come into my life would fill all that emptiness that came before? Caught up in the newness of a feeling that was missed for too long may have clouded my normal senses of what was a right fit for me in my new unexamined life as a single woman.
Overlooking all the potential negative aspects of this new person in my life, I ventured forward thinking that I had found perfection. Nothing could convince me otherwise.
A very conservative dance. Mr Slow’s ability to react was just that, slow and a bit on the awkward side. Practicing these new steps together initially seemed incredible and the leap to the dance floor of intimacy may have been a bit premature.
Anxious to continue our dance slowly but with respect we soon discovered those natural animalistic urges took precedence even at our age.
A plan to visit the windy city and become that committed couple was exciting, scary, yet met with great anticipation. Hotel room booked. The drive to the city seemed long. After arrival settling into a room together would create the first uncomfortable feeling of being with someone other than that one time life partner I had become comfortable with over the past 30 years.
The thought of having to undress in front of someone new was uncomfortable. Those insecurities of body along with the unrealistic expectations of what was to come would only demystify the moment.
Was I being unfaithful to the one that I had shared a long life with. This was all so surreal. No!!! I would say to myself. I was free to be…. .free to do…. free to desire…. free to act…. without those constraints. Being committed to another for so long it was strange to make that transition.
The night was lovely, but nothing spectacular. Love making was not forced but more of a discovery of sorts, comparisons of those that we used to be with intimately for sure. Absolutely weird !!!
This Slow dance continued for the next months into two years. The intimate moments began to feel less exciting, as if we were an old married couple who became too complacent with one another.
As time slowly moved forward with Mr Slow the newness died. Even with all the terms of endearment, flowers, dinners, and proclamations of eternal love, it was all to good to be true, and too much too soon.I was not ready to reciprocate nor was I prepared for the possibility of a long term partner on this dance floor of love.
The dance seemed to drag on and on. Our lack of common ground in conversation, and education and interests led to boredom. The drag of our feet along this dance floor became cumbersome and agonizing.I could not endure the boredom of the repetitive, slow and expressionless moves of this dance and dancer.
It became clear that we rushed into this relationship. In time you recognize that you are two completely different individuals who have very little in common. The rebound of love. Hands released we departed to separate sides of the dance floor.
TO READ MORE ABOUT THE SLOW DANCE ……. THE DANCE CARD (Looking for love after divorce) by Ann Reichardt available on Amazon.com Barnes & Noble, Apple iTunes, kindle