Two years had passed since my last attempt to be a couple with a man that promised love ever after. That was not to be. I was feeling the loss again. A different kind of grief but a sense of sadness nonetheless.
As the months being by myself passed, I was starting to feel lonely. I missed having someone in my life, even if it was temporary. I desired those moments again. Once again I perused the online dating sites. OMG, the number of online options had increased significantly since my last go round.
with excitement and enthusiasm, I approached the process as enlightening and fun this time. My laptop was open and eager to click away. Here I go again, I thought. I wondered who would be new on the scene. I was alone now- not lonely, but alone and I wanted to share my time with someone I could deeply care about.
My profile was reactivated and reflected with aging, there is a whole new set of rules about seeking companionship. I was now looking for security in knowing there would be someone there in time of need.”I have fallen and can’t get up!” That life alert button by itself may not be the safety net for one’s survival.
We humans are not designed to be alone. Yes, I sometimes protested that I was happy in my independence with the freedom to do as I pleased, but I always felt that desire to be a couple. It seemed to be a bigger need as I approached retirement. I was now applying for social security and medicare. Those fragile years of declining health. But is this reason enough to look for someone?
I believe now that I was looking for more than that. A friend of mine compared love and companionship. He quipped. “Love is meant to be more than having a safety net, that companion. A pet can provide that. A “Lover” will give you more. Remember that Annie.”